Tell women they’re beautiful.

Hi all, this past week we celebrated International Women’s day and I had a blast.

On this most auspicious of days, I like to take time to celebrate the women in my life who have supported and lifted me up in my own times of struggle. It’s funny, this marks the first year that I’ve gotten in on the festivities — I mean really gotten in on them — and I chalk that up to a powerful year of pouring into women around me and having them pour into me. I have truly seen the difference one person can make on a life this year, how encouragement and support can help us face life’s challenges with vigour.

One of the things I hear and see most often on a day like IWD is how we need to build up the women in our lives by shifting the focus from appearances. It’s hard, ladies are conditioned their whole lives to compare themselves to others physically and to be their hardest critics when they look in the mirror — I absolutely agree that we need to be reminded just how intelligent, wise, empathetic, strong, capable, tenacious, and brave we are. Especially especially young women. This is my own corner of that soapbox. When girls are small I think they need these messages tenfold. Tell those little girls they are capable and brave, stop the cycle of self-comparison and beauty standards when they are small — that is how you make the most impact on societal norms.

That said, once we’re already adults — it’s kinda too late. At this point, do not forget to remind your friends that they are also the most stunningly beautiful people you have ever encountered. And this is no lie, no hyperbole.

Have you ever looked at someone you’re kinda in love with (platonic or otherwise) and wondered at how the sunshine warms their face and cups the curve of their cheek and sparkles in their eye, dancing in their hair like a halo of fire? How sweet and special every freckle, each dimple? How magnificent their natural smile, how good it makes you feel when they laugh?

We don’t see ourselves that way.

When we look in the mirror it often isn’t when a ray of golden sun is alighting just so, it’s under the freaky fluorescent bulbs of the changing rooms or in the dimly lit basement bathroom. We don’t see our otherworldly love-selves.

So yes, tell the women in your life about all of their amazing qualities. Don’t leave anything out. Tell them how inspired you are by their bravery in the face of challenges. Tell them how you’ve seen them struggle — even fall — and get back up again, and how courageous they were to do it. Remind them that they are kind and compassionate. Remind them of all those less traditionally feminine traits too, the ones you love — like being defiant in the face of authority, being willing to stand up for others, being passionate about weird things like rocks and video games. How their passion makes them cooler than cool.

But also give them a glimpse, if you can, into how you see them. Give them a glimpse through the love goggles, because you see your mother and your grandmother and your sister and your best friend (and your wife and your girlfriend and your aunt… ) differently than anyone else.

You see what truly makes them beautiful, and they sometimes can’t.